bestest friend

this email brought tears to my dry eyes.

Date: Fri, 27 Jan 2006 00:23:07 -0800 (PST)
From: "As Ibrahim"
Subject: Re:
To: "Faizah Ahmad"

Hello dear......
it's been damn long since we last talk.tried calling
you thousands of times... (believe me)!!! got to know
bout ur lil' girl from ur hubby. terpaksa call dia
sebab susah benor nak get tru to u. comel giler anak
kau. geram aku tengok... rasa macam nak gigit pipi
dia.....
aku sekarang ni set up business sendiri... im doin
events now.. coordinating events, supply sound,
lighting equipment 4 shows...etc. by the way, r u
still using ur old mobile no?
believe me "rindu" cannot define its true meaning when
it comes to "missing you". please keep in touch.
love,
As
--- Faizah Ahmad <faizahfaiz@yahoo.com> wrote:
hey,

whats up. long time no see.
u havent met my lil' girl.
u shud come over and kiss her... she's
soooooooooooooooo adorable...
just like the mother... eheheheh
by the way, kinda miss u..

lotsa lurve,
your so called Faiz.

them who?

i took Arissa for her medical check-up yesterday evening.
she is now 8.3kg.
almost overweight.

i'm guilty! im guilty!

no. it was'nt me. it was them.

money matters..

semalam was hectic.
sampai je opis, rumours spread that hari ni dapat ang pow.. huhu..
so balik je opis i went to alpha angle straight away since kat situ ada RHB punya ATM machine.

Too bad, i forgot that i gave the card to Nora for her to withdraw some $.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

So, balik je la. But kaki aku ni menonong je masuk ke butik adidas & what else... i bought 'nother pair of shoes for Arissa.. just after 2 days..
Those little shoes were toooo cute to say no to...



...there goes my ang pow (itu pun kalau dapat la...)

her favourite

arissa is smarter now. i discover a lot of new things about her.
she smiles, she laughs, she mumbles, she kicks, she grabs, she prefer one to another... but one thing for sure...


she love this the most...

her another check up

semalam Tica tido dalam buai. aku tunggu dia merengek baru nak angkat naik katil. too bad, aku tertidur. ada la kot 3 kali dia menangis smlm nak susu.

yg magicnya, baru pagi ni aku perasan that aku tak angkat dia naik katil. bila tanya my hubby, dia cakap manada dia angkat. Oh my GOD... takkan Tica lompat naik katil sendiri kot..

dah balik..

aku masih pening lalat lagi ari nie.
the 2 days outstation was tiring..
first experience of taking arissa along..
wud be my last i think..

it was such a nightmare OK...
dia menangis all night long..... sampai pukul 5.00 pagi dok menangis lagi.. and im supposed to be in court at 9.00am...

i cant really remember pukul berapa dia tertido... i was so tired...
bangun pagi kesian pulak nak tinggalkan dia...
but i have to la... lepas brekafast etc aku amik cab untuk ke court.

everything was Ok je at court.. the matter went for full trial. we have witness from kementerian.. i cross him this and that... lebih kurang je..
during lunch break i rushed back to the hotel room..
kesian tgk daddy tgh suapkan ica her gerber fruit for lunch.
so i bath her lebih kurang and we had lunch.

pastu balik ke court and sambung sampai about 3.30.. yeaaahaa!!!
mlm jalan2 lebih kurang..

this feeling..

i couldnt sleep last nite thinking about Arissa.
the fact that i have to leave her for 2 days haunting me..
the feeling was like as if i have to leave her forever.
it really haunt me to the extent that i was thinking whether other would love her as much as i do.. what with those report on child abuse.. nauzubillah..

this darling of mine was sleeping peacefully when i disturb her with my constant kissing.. i cant imagine a night without her presence by my side. i love to smell her sweating body whenever i put the blanket on her and even more to smell the sweetness of her lips after her milk.

.......and this feeling is killing me.

demam

i had a bad day to begin with.
semalam start demam & still tak ok lagi hari ni.
it was so cold in the morning but whenever i switch off the fan Tica would sweat. This lil' girl memang tau! tak reti sejuk.

Pagi ni dia tak bangun that early as she used too mungkin sebab smlm dia tidur lewat sikit.
But she was all smiling when i stepped out from the bathroom. Soooooo adorable. it kills all the paint to see her sweet toothless grin.

But now i'm always worried thinking that i might hempap her masa tidur. Everytime aku terjaga dari tidur, kelam kabut cari dia. And this lil' girl of mine, memang lasak. Each and evrytime aku bangun mesti kena angkat dan alihkan dia kebantal. Her head would always end up terpusing kat pinggang aku.

happy birthday to you..

my sweet darling is 4 month old today.
i pray that she will live a happy life.
i'm sure will work harder to give her the best thing a mother cud give.

Tica, mummy loves you so much.

and she loves me..

My new love, Arissa is going to be 4months next week. She is one of the most wonderful gift He has given me, beside my wonderful first love.

Sometimes I felt so miserable thinking about Arissa whenever she is not by my side. So, it was always a "NO" for overnite request from her Mak Tok and Ucu.

There was one nite amongst the first few days i brought her back to our home after the confinement period where she could not stop crying. Her daddy was not around. I was so helpless (and useless!) that i didnt know what to do and i cried along. I called him and he was so smart that he went to pick her mum up. They came and they took her away from me.

It supposed to be my peaceful and undisturbed sleeping but it turned out to be the other way round. I couldnt sleep at all thinking of her; Especially the fact that she would cry for my breastmilk; and her gahhs and goooohs; and her toothless grin; and everything about her. She's such a "mengada manja" girl.

...Still a lil' one but i know she loves me very much.

my baby bloom..

I've been busy that I barely got the chance to even update my blog...
It makes me smile thinking where I was just this time last year..
It was the starting point of another phase of my life.
let me flip thru my 2005 diary...
well.. i wrote it there ..
30-12-2004
pregnancy test - positive
31-12-2004
pregnancy test - negative
start diet (60.5kg) (60kg)

1-1-2005
59kg

2-1-2005
58kg

3-1-2005
pregnancy test - positive
MC
(50.5kg)

4-1-2005
MC
(58kg)

giloss.. i was of a mixed feelin' when i knew that i might be pregnant.
well, i was shocked actually.. and sad obviously. i was bad eyy..
i remember that i went to clinic to get my rubella dose ( i missed it when we shud hv it at school but always keep it in my mind to get it done before getting married) tapi itu la aku.... asyik tangguh je, padan muka. it was only my 3rd week after got married. the Dr did the pregnancy test 1st to confirm that im "empty" then only he can give the injection. to my surprise, it turned out to be positive. but he said that he cannot confirm it since it was at a very early stage.

My goodness. macam nak pengsan aku rasa. i'm worried if anything wud happen to the baby bcoz of non-rubella immu. nother thing, i had started my diet pills.. and after all, mana lagi nak pikir pasal nak bersanding... duhhh!! ape nak jawab nie.

but now, Im regret that i regret for I love Arissa more than words can describe. Can’t imagine a day without having her in my arms, kissing and caressing her would be the best thing to do. As far as I remember I never get tired or sick or mad when she cries for her milk at odd hours.. kekadang tu every every half an hour dia bangun. just like last nite. she didnt sleep well. Allah is great, he gave you a little baby who can change you into another person your parents wanted to change you to long time ago but they failed. Mak selalu cakap aku ni kalau dah tido bom meletup pun tak sedar. It was true. Jam kat umah tu kalau bunyi bergegar satu rumah, tapi tetap tak sedar.. but now, Arissa rengek "ek".. sikit je aku dah bangun. What a Miracle.. really..

Life as a mother is chaotic but nontheless fun and emotional. I realized that i'm actually not that ambitious. Only if i dont have that much of hutang, mesti dah lama aku resign, dok umah jaga anak. Atleast for her 1st 3 years.... damn those gold cards.. sampai tua bayar tak habis2..
hari ni kelam kabut like mad. she didnt sleep well last nite, pagi ni dia tak bangun awal as usual. kejutkan dia dah pukul 8.00, macam biasa Arissa kalau dah menyusu lama gila.. she's taking her own sweet time... itu yang terkejar-kejar. but the main reason wud be that today my hubby and i went out separately. nora carrying arissa down and i'm supposed to brought her handbag with me but later found out it was nowhere in the car. we only realized masa dah sampai umah mama. damn it!! dah satu hal kena patah balik and poor nora.. she had to climb to 5th flr again to collect the bag. Jalan Jelatek tu jammed bagai nak gila. it was already 8.40 when i drop her at setiawangsa train st. i clock in at 9.17. I hate it.. not that i had to clock in late, tapi sebab aku kena parking jauh. Hujan pulak tu... hello.. i'm wearing my new sandals Ok!